So i find that not only have things just been so cray cray, but that more than 50% of my job is writing and communicating. So you can imagine when it actually comes to writing my own brain (and whatever thoughts may come with that) onto a page, there is not much left to offer. So in due respect, I hope you are able to bare with my gibberish thoughts as I try to share my current adventures with you. So this past month has had a bit more frustrating events take place, but in a more laughable/i wanna cry kind of sense; OR! perhaps my observations of adulthood have just broadened. Starting with a motorbike accident (Praise God I was not badly hurt!) and a motorbike tune-up, trying to set up a new bank account in the States to be able to purchase a vehicle here with no death-defying fees, date confusions for immigration check-ins, my computer spazzing out and needing to be in the shop for a week (therefore prolonging certain tasks as well as writing to you), motorbike registration expiring, followed by a wild goose chase to renew it, getting locked out of my room only to have to bust the (expensive) doorknob to get in, topped with the daily struggles of life for the women at HOS, as well as myself. It's like trying to run on a windy day holding onto an umbrella... exhausting. However, there is quite a bit of humor in this world I live in; so allow me to highlight a few. I have found myself on numerous occasions saying "Naturally!" in that there is nothing rational or normal about it; well, in my opinion anyway. For instance: You take your broken computer to a Mac shop to have it fixed, only to find them using Windows products at their front desk... Naturally. You go to update your expired registration on your motorbike only to walk away with an insurance plan instead... Naturally. You see a tour bus stop in the middle of the highway to drop off a couple who then try to cross... Naturally. You see a groups of guys sitting on top of a large water truck flying down the road... Naturally. Parades through the mall, babies sitting in the basket of motorbikes, elephants walking down a busy street, people driving into oncoming traffic, trucks carrying loads WAY past their limits... Yep. Naturally. I wish I could say that everything here was just full of butterflies, rainbows, and smiles, and that all i have been experiencing is pure joy, but that is simply not the case. In all honesty, it is easy in this environment to feel drained and want to toss in the towel or hide in my closet for a while and pretend none of it exists. ~Now i bet you're wondering if I have really done that or not... ;)~ I have found myself in a bout of frustration wondering what God is doing and why things have to be so painful sometimes. *Picture it: I’m standing in the palm of God’s hand, but His fingers are enclosed around me, creating walls on all sides. As if I’m standing in a sauna, I feel my temperature rise. The small space is getting hotter and hotter, and all of a sudden my skin starts to burn. At first I whimper a little, then I begin to whine, and all of a sudden I’m banging on the sides of His hand. “God, this is painful! I’m hurting here, can you not see? Can you not tell that I’m dying?” As I fall to my knees, I cry out, “Are you even listening!? I can’t take this, it’s too much…it’s too much!” I’m positive that I’m going to pass out and eventually shrivel up in His hand until there’s nothing left of me. As I cry, the camera moves through the wall of His hand to the outside, and I see that His fist is immersed in flames that are burning through His skin. Tears are streaming down His face as He forces Himself to keep His hand in the flames. This pains Him more than it hurts me. If you only knew… “Please, please just hold on a little bit longer; I promise you it's worth it! I’m so sorry it has to be this way; please trust me that this is best. Trust. Through this can you just trust that I love you?” Because my eyes were only focused on myself, I couldn’t tell that what I was being put through was even more painful for Him. He hates to see us hurt, and He doesn’t joy in the fact that it causes us to suffer. If there is anything that I have learned about rough patches in my life, it is then that I learned the most about God and when He does the most work in me. And let me tell ya, that's exactly what He is doing now. The walls of His hands are hot from the flames and I feel myself falling to my knees in weakness, but I hear His steady voice plead with me "Please draw closer into me. Let me carry you through the flames. Please just hold on a little bit longer! It's SO worth it!" He has reassured me that even though life may try and knock me down, His love for me is ever-present and He will never leave me. He has reminded me that in Him there is victory and I have nothing to fear, so I shall stand firm on His promises and march myself into those flames! And so the journey continues... What a beautiful MESS I'm in! Romans 8:37-39 *A writing from Destinee Burgess.
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