When you feel smashed to pieces and there doesn't seem like a reason to put them back together, what are you suppose to do?... Just ruminate over the pieces laying before you and appreciate them in their state of brokenness?...
I've always been someone that loves challenges, grows the most in trials, and can't stand the mundane. I never thought I would be desperate for more of the opposite in my life... Consistency, familiarity, normalcy? Yea, it has a peaceful ring to it. Like being out at sea for months on end, tossed by the crashing waves day after day, keeping the hope that one day you'll finally put your feet on solid ground... Perhaps a bit dramatic, or too many vague illustrations to try and encapsulate my heart, but fitting. Ok wind back a few months: After discovering the family I had hoped would foster/adopt Gabriel did not feel the same, I began to pursue legal advice to figure out what was the best case scenario for him and his future. I was OVERWHELMED with more possibilities, options, advice, and opinions than I knew what to do with. It did however, open my eyes to know just how broken this whole system really is. Very frustrating. I had been talking with FCF (our overseeing organization) as well as other lawyers, social workers, and friends with common experiences about the best options for Gabriel. Without getting into too many of the details, the best chance of him receiving citizenship would be for his name to be registered through the gov system (the orphanage) and for him to be under the care of Thai nationals. However, the best chance of this happening is for Gabriel's birth-mom to sign adoption papers, 'officially' giving him up. At one point, we discussed if we should just 'lose' Gabriel's birth certificate or not, as he would immediately be given Thai citizenship as an 'abandoned/unidentified child' without it... We decided not to though, trusting that God has a plan in all of this. By a total God-thing, Gabriel's birth-mom actually called us two days later for advice. The hospital that is paying for her HIV medicine will stop the funding in December, where she will then need to pay for it on her own (about $100/month). With no way to cover these costs and with her health already rapidly decreasing, she knows her days are limited... Even with all of the history we have had, I was so broken hearted to hear this. My prayer for her is that she would come to know the love of our Father and His unexplainable forgiveness and grace before it's too late. We then used this as a time to love and encourage her, but to also ask if she would officially sign Gabriel away for adoption. She agreed!... I was quite shocked! Two days later the social worker met up with us, his birth-mom signed the papers, and she told me she would let me know when the paperwork would be finalized for him to go to BSR. She could not tell me how long this would take, (everyone assumed it was going to be months) as these kinds of processes are never a quick walk in the park. However, I could already feel the day was fast approaching... Not knowing how long he was going to be with me was very difficult for many reasons, but mostly just not knowing how many more precious days I was going to be able to hold him in my arms was hard enough ... So, I began to taking him to BSR during the day to adjust to his new home. BSR is a great Thai Christian ministry and they are quite dear to me. They were actually the first ministry that softened my heart for Thailand when I was here 6 years ago. They take good care of young orphans like Gabriel and try to find loving Thai families for them by getting all the necessary paperwork in place in order for them to be adopted. The good thing about him going there is that he will be in better standing with the gov/paperwork by being registered with Thais rather than foreigners, will continue to be immersed in the Thai culture, will be able to learn Thai and English, have a big family of people who love him, have brothers and sisters to grow up with, and have advocates to fight for him to have the best future possible. And, the best thing for me is that I will be able to remain in his life and see him often, which I am very thankful for. I trust this ministry and the wonderful godly women that run it, but I still felt that lump in my throat knowing it was going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do... So, I cherished every moment I had with him and loved the crap out of him, knowing it could be any day. And to everyone's surprise, the paperwork was finished within 2 weeks and I was told two weeks after that that he would be going to BSR!... I was happy to hear that the paperwork had actually gone through, but could feel the overwhelming sting of the pain. It is hard to say what the future holds, but I know I will need God's help to bring me to a place of surrender and trust with what He is calling me to do... This is absolutely THE hardest thing I've ever had to do and wish this wasn't the way it had to be, but I know that our story is not over yet... So, in these weeks/months to come, I have given myself permission to grieve... Something that I have never allowed myself to do in the past... Even though Gabriel will remain in my life, I know I need to be honest with this pain and give myself space to be able to grieve this separation and this new reality. So, if you could please pray for Gabriel as he transitions and for my heart as well that would be very much appreciated! Thank you!
0 Comments
|
Archives
November 2015
Support:If you would like to financially support the work that I am doing, you can go online and give at: Links:Family Connection Foundation:
http://www.thaiconnections.org/ Home of the Swallow: http://www.thaiconnections.org/fcf/home-of-the-swallow Cord Ministries International: http://cordmin.com/wp/ |