I always seem to struggle with what all to share with everyone. Whether it is subconsciously done by myself or by others, there always seems to be a set of expectations that need to be met for people serving overseas. However, I've gotten to the point where I've realized they're simply not realistic and I need to stop allowing them to influence me... So, I hope you will allow me to be raw n' real with you in my blogs as I share a little bit of what life here is truly like. Though the weeks may be planned and scheduled, the days are far from predictable. One day I might be asking God to speed the process up a bit, and then the next be begging for a moment to simply catch my breath. As someone who strongly dislikes routine and loves change, I never thought I would be desiring for more consistency in my life... Not only have I found that the days are never consistent, but that the people aren't either. I have been told that building community here (outside of your ministry) is one of the hardest things to do -- I've begun to notice. Though I have met a lot of amazing people and have been blessed with spending time with them, it's simply not like it was in the States. People here always leave... and because of it, it's easy to become closed off in forming deeper friendships, knowing there could be yet another goodbye. I had someone tell me the other day that even the kids are "used to" people walking in and out of their lives. If you ask me, I don't think it will ever be something I get used to... Something else I may never get used to, is this whole not "fitting in." I've never been one who wants to be like everyone else or do what everyone else is doing, but not being accepted has become a whole new reality for me. Seeing the US from the outside, you see more of a melting pot - diverse culture, religions, race, values, etc. Here though, besides a small handful of people from surrounding countries, you can expect everyone and everything to be Thai. So to say that I stick out like a sore thumb is perhaps an understatement. So, as much as I have settled into my life here and have made this my "home," I'm always going to be a foreigner that never fits in... Well, i guess I was born to stand out in more ways than one anyway. ;) With all that being said, you may ask me "Why are you even there if it's this difficult??" Here is where I get to introduce to you the joy of my struggles. :) The women at the HOS, although having every reason to be skeptical of me, have welcomed me into their lives and are trusting me to walk along side of them. Every day I spend with them, I get to see more of how God loves us regardless of the past we have and the struggles we're currently going through. Many of the women's stories and the various trials they are facing are enough to make you cry with them, yet their desperate longing to give their kids a better life full of love and hope is enough to make you fight for them. I kind of see it like this: As I take "Asian selfies" with one of the girls, put together a scrapbook with another, help one make jewelry to sell, teach some of them English, sit with a few on the floor to make food, encourage them in their walk with the Lord, teach one how to use the computer, dance and sing with another, pray with them in the hard times, and play with all the babies -- I can't help but think, Yup. This is my family. And I would do anything for them! Seeing them fighting to be the best moms they can be for their kids; encourage one another and love each other like sisters; grow closer to God as they seek Him every day; and seeing them and their kids experience hope for the first time in their lives... Yea, I think I can safely say my struggles here are well worth it! *Keeping you in the loop: I had a minimum goal of financial support that has been met (Praise God!!!), but I'm realizing the need is so much greater!... God is doing amazing things in and through HOS, but every month we have just been scraping by to make ends meet (diapers, clothing, childcare, food, etc). Any support (whether one-time or monthly) is more of a blessing than you know! Please prayerfully consider supporting this ministry that is making a huge impact in the lives of many women and their babies. Also, the need for a car is still around $8-9,000. Not only would it be safer for me, but also for the mothers and babies that need to be taken places (babies on motorbikes -- scary thought!).
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Well… they tell you it’s hard, it takes time, it’s a whole new learning curve, but they never tell you that it’s like starting from scratch… New place, new culture, new language, new approach, new start… So how exactly does one start over? I’ll let ya know when I’ve got it ‘figured out’…
I have seen that it’s easy for me to get caught up in doing things or feel like there are all of these expectations to be met, that I forget how important it is to be with Him. Through this time of ‘figuring it out,’ what I discovered is that I was asking the wrong questions – “God, what do you want me to do? When do you want me to do it?” Although these are somewhat useful questions, I’ve missed sight of the bigger picture: God show me your heart! I have begun to see in more ways than one that when I am chasing after His heart and looking through His lens, my feet do not have to ask where to go and my hands don’t have to ask what to do. When I am in His arms, I hear His heartbeat, and in turn, my actions follow. As I have been pressing into Him, He has done just that – move my feet. I have become more involved with the Home of the Swallow project that focuses on helping women and children involved in or at risk for drug/human trafficking. As I have gotten to know the staff, women, and kids, they have stolen my heart in such a unique way. I am so excited to journey along side of them and see how God works in and through them as well! A woman by the name of Katherine was the Director of Development for HOS, but God called her elsewhere and they needed someone to take her position. Only being here a month, speaking very little Thai, and having no training in organizational development, I can’t help but feel inadequate. However, God has relentlessly showed me that He does not call the equipped, but equips those He’s called. He has brought me right where I need to be at just the right time and I am going to continue trusting in Him wherever He may lead. So with that being said, I am stepping into that position… Fortunately, Katherine will be able to help get me started from abroad. I am not sure what to expect or even all of the ‘details’ involved at this point, but I am excited to see what happens and where it leads. On the completely opposite spectrum of doing things here in Thailand, my being with people has been the increasing joy in my heart. Though I cannot speak the language enough to fully communicate, it has been amazing to see how love has been breaking through the barriers. The moments when I get to sit on the floor with a lap full of kids and just giggle away, the moments when I get to worship and pray with two different tongues, the moments when I get to hold someone who is hurting, the moments when I get to serve those who deem themselves unworthy, the moment when I see His people through His eyes… It’s in these moments that I feel His heartbeat. . . . . . . Praise Reports: - I was able to purchase a motorbike - My parents were able to sell my truck in the States and now have more $ to put towards a car - My work permit is being processed and should be official in the next week - One of the girls sold to a gang by her grandfather a few days ago was returned safely to her mom - The women at (as well as connected with) the HOS are growing in their relationships with God and are dedicated to being loving mothers. Prayer Request: - Continue to trust that God will provide the rest of my support, as well as the $ to purchase a car - That I continue to press into God so that my feet move in step with His and that as I step into the position He has placed me in, I will look to Him for wisdom and strength - That I progress quickly in my Thai studies – a lot of things riding on this… - That the HOS will be abundantly blessed in so many ways (especially financially) as they continue to provide for all of the needs of these women and their children - That this nation would be one that turns to God and not to the lies they’ve been promised *Keeping you in the loop: God has provided $650 in monthly donors – but still need another $200 just to meet monthly ministry needs. Also, whenever in God’s timing, the need for a car is going to be about $8-9,000. Thank you to all of those who have supported me and continue to!! It has been remarkable to see how God is providing for the HOS in so many different ways and I look forward to showing you soon how your support is making an impact. :) To learn more about the HOS, you can browse the link :) http://www.thaiconnections.org/fcf/home-of-the-swallow *I will have more to share in regards to this project soon :) |
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March 2014
Support:If you would like to financially support me or HOS, you can go online and give:
https://www.egsnetwork.com/gift/gift.php?giftid=535530DBD93C42E OR, you can send a check (with Shannon Halloran #1010 on the memo line) to: CORD Ministries International P.O. Box 102 Wheaton, IL 60187-0102 * All Tax deductible gift* Questions: Director of CORD Ministries Michael Ullrich (303)-994-4754 [email protected]
Links:Family Connection Foundation:
http://www.thaiconnections.org/ Home of the Swallow: http://www.thaiconnections.org/fcf/home-of-the-swallow Cord Ministries International: http://cordmin.com/wp/ |